Excerpt of "So Much In Love...Addicted"

Chapter 1

Golden

The morning sun blinds Shona as it shines down through the window onto her bed, startling her. A beaming light is all she sees as she begins to open her eyes. A crack is in her window blind which lets the hot sunrays have an easy path into her bedroom where it shines down in a diagonal view from the window onto her dresser where an unopened gift lays visible. She shakes her head with grief.

She had just awaked from a lengthy dream she was having of her trifling ex-boyfriend, Kareem. They had only been together for six months when Kareem called her home last night pleading for her to let him come over. Never did she think that at that moment love with Kareem would suddenly end.

 “Kareem, why are you speaking so soft?” Spoke the innocent voice of the ever-so-kind Shona. Every second of her time and effort was spent making her one and only man happy with her. Her goal was to make him feel as if he needed no other girl; as if she was enough. “I can barely hear a word you are saying, Boo.” Shona held the phone closer to her ear, listening closer.

Kareem, who was living with his older brother in a two bedroom apartment outside Savannah, sat at the end of his bed contemplating his next move. Today was a special day for Shona and Kareem knew how important it was to her for him to be with her on this day. It was the only day in her life when she would become twenty-two years old. Although, there would be 364 more days for her to spend at that age, it was nothing like that first day.

At first he wanted to be there for her. It wasn’t until he ran across an old friend of his, Marie, earlier that day at the store. The spark of an old flame changed his plans. Unlike Shona, Marie had the body and skill to please a man’s every desire. All it took was one “hello” and Kareem was taken back to the days when Marie was his lover. One flash back and Kareem was in love all over again. He no longer cared about Shona and invited Marie back to his place with him.

After waiting impatiently for Kareem to show up, Shona became worried. And after four unanswered phone calls to his cell phone, Shona began to panic. Then, after Marie left Kareem decided to call Shona hoping it wasn’t too late to come over. That’s when Shona asked the million dollar questions: “Where have you been and why are you just now calling?”     

“I said,” Kareem’s voice grew louder. “I fell asleep and lost track of time, baby.”

“Un huh.” Grunted Shona, who had plenty of past experiences with cheating guys and wasn’t falling for another bogus lie.

“For real, baby.” Kareem cried.  He was basically begging for her forgiveness. “Why you saying it like that?”

“Like what?” Shona snapped. Deep inside, she knew what he was talking about but since he wanted to play dumb she would too.

“Like that.” Kareem indicated her high temper, “Like you don’t believe me.”

“I never said I didn’t believe you. I just said, ‘un huh’.”

“Well, can I come over? Let me make it up to you. You know you wanna see me tonight.”

There was silence. Shona thought it over in her mind. Kareem was right. No matter what he did Shona wanted him there with her, holding her; celebrating this special day with her. Pushing him away would make the night seem longer and more dreadful.  Besides, maybe time did slip by him while he slept. It had happened to her several times.

“Let me think about it.” Shona was cut off by the sound of someone knocking on Kareem’s bedroom door.

“Hold on, Baby.” Kareem replied. He placed the phone face down on the bed. Shona could hear Kareem in the background as he opens the door. “You,” Kareem replies in shock. “What you doing here?”

“I changed my mind.” A female voice spoke. “I decided to stay the night with you.”

“You can’t Marie.”

Marie? Who’s Marie? Shona questioned herself, as she over heard the words being spoken on Kareem’s end of the phone.

“Why not?” Marie asks. Kareem pushes her down the hall. “Why you acting like that? A few minutes ago you were practically begging for me to stay.”

Kareem opens the front door. “I made plans with my boys. I’ll call you.” Kareem closes the door behind Marie. He took a deep breath to free his mind. After walking back to his room, he sat on the bed, picked up the phone and said, “So, how about me coming...” His heart dropped as he heard the dial tone.

Had Shona heard him talking to Marie? Kareem didn’t know and didn’t care. Being the playa that he was, he brushed it off and ran out the door behind Marie. Oh well. There are more girls out there for me Kareem thought to his self. Life goes on.

Shona turns over in her bed to get the sun out her face. This was one of those days where she wanted to stay in bed forever. All her energy was gone. Not only did she not have any love for Kareem, but she also had none for herself. The hell with Kareem! Shona was beginning to understand why so many females felt as if all men were dogs and just no good.

She begins to think back on her past relationships. All of them did her wrong, except James. James was her heart, her soul. He was the first guy who opened her heart up to love and showed her there were good guys out there, somewhere.

Shona loved James with all her heart. She cherished the ground he walked on. Damn! She cried out to herself as the memories clouded her brain. She had the world in her hands and now she had to live with shattered pieces. Why did you have to leave me, James? Why did you have to go away?

People say you only have one soul mate. If James was her soul mate, then what was left for her now that she no longer had him? Heartache... that’s all she had been receiving.  Maybe it was just the guys she was dealing with? Whatever it was, why was she constantly placing her heart in such turmoil?  If she knew finding Mr. Right was so hopeless, then why was she so determined to keep looking? She knew all about the consequences that it brought. It always led to the same thing; Shona all alone. She planned to devote all her time and effort into Shona and only Shona. Forget the guys. Forget everyone else. It was all about Shona.

In her eyes, she was the only one who mattered to her. She would never hurt or let herself down. Especially the way that Kareem constantly did. Worst of all, he didn’t even care enough to call back after she hung up on him. How could he not care enough to call back? 

He didn’t care where it went from there. How could someone be in love for six months and not care enough to fight for the love to stay? To just let it all go without even talking it over was cold-hearted. Just thinking about that one known fact was cruel enough for murder. Lord knows Shona’s heart had died too many times. After James, Shona never thought she’d feel love again. But she did…with the wrong guy.

Shona couldn’t bare the pain as her body laid under her soft bed covers. The pain burned a hole in her chest as she cried tears. Deep inside, she wanted to be strong, but love made her weak. Crying was easier than holding it all in.

Every thought that ran across her mind was about Kareem. She dazed on and on about the way he kissed. The way his lips were so soft. He’d cover her lips with his, as he’d gently glide his tongue inside, moving it back and forth roughly and then soft again, as it wraps around her tongue. She loved his taste and the feeling it left her. Now he was kissing someone else...Marie.

Who was Marie?

Not once, in their six-month relationship, had Kareem mentioned a word about a Marie. Maybe she was just some trick he met at the nightclub while he was out with his trifling, no-good boys whom he would refer to as “his homies.” The same boys who would come to her home at three o’clock in the morning looking for Kareem to go to the strip club with. Even with this knowledge, Shona was blinded by Kareem’s playa ways.

Shona glances over at the unopened gift Kareem had brought by yesterday morning. She had promised him she would wait until he returned from the store before opening it. She wanted him to be there to see her expression when she opened it. Kareem never made it back from the store—if he even went to the store.

The thought of Kareem never coming back to her made Shona’s heart burn even more. No longer could she look at the gift. It was a constant reminder of how Kareem abandoned her on her birthday. She wanted it out of her room and view. Yet, she was curious to know what was in the package, curious to know how much it cost; and yet, scared that it might cause her to fall for him all over again.

Shona looks away from the gift as the tears run down her cheeks, around her neck and onto the pillow that she held in her hands. She clinches it tighter as if she was trying to squeeze all the pain from inside her. Taking a deep breath, she exhales. There was no way she was getting out of bed today.

Kareem smiles as he rolls over. “Baby,” he whispers. “Good morning, Baby.” Kareem opens his eyes only to find his arms around Marie. Just a few more seconds and he would’ve called her Shona.

Any other day, he would’ve been glad to have Marie by his side—in his bed. So many lonely nights before him and Shona got together, he’d wait on the night he had Marie again. He had longed to feel her dark skin against his, but today was no longer that day. He could only think about Shona. Why didn’t I just call her back? He thought over and over in his head. Shona was definitely out of his hands now. There was no way she would forgive him.

Now all he could do was think about how he had let Shona slip away. Foolish, Shona was his angel, a gift from God—his dream girl. She was the only one who would put up with his ways and now he had took it too far. As he closed his eyes, he pictured her; five-foot-six, around 130 pounds, short hair and green eyes. He loved her light skinned complexion…a true beauty.

It wasn’t her looks that had him in love. It was the little things about her. Her mind; she was wonderful, respectful and kind. Unlike most girls he dated, Shona knew how to listen to and understand him. Her sense of humor always made him laugh. Now, she was soon to be nothing more than a memory.

Marie smiles, “You awake?” Her fingers slide down his chest toward his manhood. “Why won’t you come closer?”

Kareem gives a fake smile. He didn’t want Marie touching him, only Shona. He didn’t even want another girl, besides Shona in his bed.

Marie holds him tighter. “Let’s never break up again.”

Kareem doesn’t respond. His mind was still on Shona. He couldn’t stand the thought of them breaking up. Even the thought of her finding another man disturbed him. Shona couldn’t touch another man. She was his. Yet, here he was with another lady.

He backs away from Marie.

Marie looks at him. “What’s wrong?”

He shakes his head, not wanting to invite Marie into his personal problems. “Nothing,” he says.

“What?”

“This,” Kareem indicates him and Marie being in bed together.  “This doesn’t feel right.”

 “What?” Asks Marie, not knowing why all of a sudden Kareem didn’t want to be around her. “What’s wrong with you, Kareem?  Why you acting all funny?”

“Nothing,” He states. He gets out the bed and tosses Marie her shirt. “Get dressed.” He demands. Kareem grabs his boxers and starts to put them on. Reality starts to sink in. In order for him to be a one woman’s man, he had to have only one woman.

Marie fumbles around for the rest of her clothes. “I don’t understand what’s your damn problem.  If you ain’t want to be with me, you should’ve said so instead of playing your games. I’ve told you I ain’t down with your games and I can’t get down like that no more.”

“Look!” Kareem tries not to yell. “It’s not that, okay. I just need to be alone for a while to get myself together.”

She shakes her head. “So that’s how it is, huh?” She yells as she put on her clothes. “You just gonna fuck me, tell me to leave and then expect me to come back whenever you want some more?”

Kareem doesn’t answer.

“No, I’ll call you.” Demands Marie. She grabs her purse off the dresser and marches out the room, slamming his door behind her.

Kareem takes in a deep breath. He was reminded of why he broke up with her before. He couldn’t stand her mouth.

Kareem turns on the shower in his bathroom. After taking a glimpse at himself in the mirror, he feels disgusted. The face he now sees isn’t the face he saw yesterday—a man growing into a better man. He was a fool to let his boys talk him into playing around on a good girl like Shona. The game was getting the best of him, turning him into someone whom his mother never raised him to be.

Ever since Kareem first met Shona, he had been unfaithful. He wanted to do the right thing, but how could he when his boys were always talking him into going to strip clubs. There, he met full-figured girls who were far more experienced than Shona.

Kareem splashes a handful of water across his face. It was time for him to be a man and take on responsibilities. He could no longer let his boys make choices for him. He had to go out and do whatever it took to get his woman back.

The doorbell rings.

Kareem, Shona thinks inside her mind. It was just like a guy to come running back the next day to apologize.

Pouring the milk into her bowl of cereal, the bell rings again and again but, Shona ignores it. Even if it isn’t Kareem, she didn’t want to be bothered. She grabs a spoon, the bowl and walks into the living room. She didn’t even feel like eating, but she knew she needed to eat something because her stomach began growling. Glancing outside as she passes the window she notices her sister Destiny’s car. Shona opens the door.

“What’s wrong with you girl?” Destiny begins her usual tirade. She steps into the house, pushing Shona to the side as she enters. Taking another look, “cereal,” She questions. “Now you know you were supposed to cook me breakfast.”

Still, Shona doesn’t reply. Instead, she closes the door and plops down on the couch.

“Well, hey to you too.”

“I’m sorry, Des. I’m not in the mood for much today.”

Destiny studies Shona, her hair isn’t curled and still in her bed clothes. All these things were unlike Shona, who usually by now would be dressed from head to toe as if she was about to go out to a formal event. Sitting beside her sister, Destiny drops her purse on the couch. “What that dog do this time?”

Shona sadly says, “Nothing.”

“Oh, he did something. I will get Dove on him and you know I will.” Destiny pulls her sister by her arm. Yet, Shona refuses to move. “You need to go get dressed and let that dog know that you moved on.”

Shona ignores her. Slowly, she places a spoonful of cereal in her mouth and begins to force herself to chew.

“Hello!” Destiny tries to bring her back to reality. “I am talking to you. Don’t let that fool get the best of you, Shona. Hold your head high and move on. He’s a dog, Shona. You deserve better.” Nothing she was saying to Shona was breaking her out of her gloomy phase. Shona just sat there as if it was the end of life. Destiny grabs her purse. “I gotta go.” Shaking her head, “You can’t be driving the life out of me. It’s like I’ve walked into a funeral. Turn the lights on or something… brush your hair.”

Shona rolls her eyes at Destiny’s attempts to make her smile. It was only her way of making Shona content, yet Shona wasn’t in the smiling mood.

Giving up, Destiny opens the door. “Call me when my sister gets back because this,” She indicates Shona’s mood, “Isn’t my sister.” Before closing the door behind her, Destiny quickly flicks the light switch on.

“She makes me sick!” Grunts Shona as Destiny leaves. She wasn’t in the mood for her lights to be on. She wanted everything to be dark. That was how she felt inside, as if someone had turned everything off…her heart, mind, even her emotions. She didn’t know how to feel at this moment.

Someone knocks.

Kareem, she thinks again.

The person knocks again.

Damn! She cries to herself. All she wanted was to be alone and it seemed as if everyone wanted to come over.

Slowly, she creeps over to the window, peeping outside. It was Kareem’s friend, Marco.

Shona opens the door giving him a cold look. Curious to know why Shona seems so mad, he asks, “How you doing today, Shona?”

Shona gives a small laugh. “Is that a joke?” She question. “No,” She stops him from talking, “Don’t tell me. Kareem sent you over here because he’s not man enough to come himself?”

“No.” Replies Marco confused. “I’m looking for him myself.”

“Well he’s not here.” She yells, starting to let the door slam shut. “Wait.” She grabs the door before it could close. Leaving it half open Shona walks to her room. She then appears back at the door with the birthday gift in her hand. “Take this with you.” She hands him the gift.

“What’s this?”

Without giving an answer, the door slams shut.

Walking into his closet, Kareem picks out what he is going to wear for the day: blue jeans and a white t-shirt. Everything was ironed neatly. He steps into the shower to clear his mind but was quickly brought back to thoughts of Shona. She didn’t know who Marie was. A cousin? He had played the cousin card too many times and she wasn’t about to fall for that line again. In the middle

of his thoughts, something came to mind.

Dove.

Dove was Shona’s twenty-four year old cousin; six foot one, weighing two hundred and forty-three pounds of pure solid muscles. Kareem had an encounter with Dove once before, on the Fourth of July. Back then, he knew nothing about Dove—he had only been dating Shona for a week. After stepping out of his car three hours late for the cook out, the first thing Kareem met was Dove’s fist and a size fourteen Timberland boot.

Dripping water, Kareem steps out the shower, towel around his waist. He walks over to his bed. Without drying off, he lays back—soaking the covers. If Shona would’ve been there, she’d have a smart comment to say, like, “How you know I wasn’t planning on going back to bed?”

Kareem would pull her in front of him, standing her between his legs—her hands on his thighs, staring into his eyes while biting her bottom lip and looking as if she was having an orgasm. Kareem would reply, “Well, we’ll just end up getting them wet anyway.”

 “That’s what you think.” Her eyes inviting him for a chase, as she goes to the other end of the room, leans against the dresser daring him to come after her.

  Those were the small things he was going to miss about her. He pictures her body on top of him, just where he loved her the most. He wanted to feel her fingers rubbing gently against his back as she pulls him closer against her body. He could feel her nipples pressing against his chest and his hands squeezing her bottom as he pulls her closer to him. His manhood now inside her, she’s moving up and down—riding him.

“Aye dawg!”

Kareem was brought back to reality as he heard the voice of one of his boys. Opening his eyes, he found himself standing with hands stretched out as if he was holding onto Shona.

“Yo, dawg!” Cries Carlos. “Are you in there?” He bangs on the door.

“Yeah, he’s in there!” Jarred yells from the living room. “He’s probably in the shower.”

Kareem sits up. “Give me a sec!”

“Alright!”

After getting dressed, he splashes on a little of his cologne. Taking another look in the mirror, he took one last check to make sure he didn’t overlook any wrinkles or tags that might have stuck out. With the looks he had, he could have any woman he wanted. But the only one he wanted was Shona. After all he put her through; he probably couldn’t even have her.

Kareem walks toward his bedroom door glancing down at the picture frame that held Shona’s picture. Last night he laid it face down on the dresser so that Marie couldn’t see it. He sits the frame back up before walking to the living room to meet his boy.

“What up, dawg?” Kareem greets Carlos, “You waking me up early in the morning as if you own me.”

Carlos touches knuckles with Kareem. “It ain’t even like that.” He points to Jarred. “Your brah told me you was up.”

For the first time today, Kareem gives a real smile. “Yeah, well…I was but still,” he pops his collar. “You know I gotta have time to myself in the mornings. Gotta stay fly for the ladies.” He pops his collar again.

“It’s all good.” Carlos replies, stepping out the door with Kareem behind him.

It was early in the morning and the sun was shining bright. It was the sign of a good day. But it wasn’t for Kareem who was too busy spending his time wondering how to get Shona back.

Carlos took a look at his boy. He did not look like his usual self. He was pale, dull as if something was sucking the life out of him.

“What’s wrong with you dawg?”

“Nothing,” Kareem shook some life into him, “Why you asking?”

“You look like you lost your best friend.”

In Kareem’s eyes, he did lose his best friend…Shona. “I’m straight. I’m just a little tired, you know. I had Marie over here last night. We had to make up for old times.”

“Marie?”

Kareem nods with a fake smile.

“Well how things go with you and Shona?”

“Well, I didn’t go back over there. I was with Marie all night, if you know what I mean?”

Carlos cuts his eyes at Kareem. Putting the pieces together, he says, “So that’s what’s wrong with you.”

“What?”

“As if I can’t tell,” Carlos states. “You ditched Shona to be with Marie and now you feel bad about it.”

Kareem laughs a little. “It ain’t even like that.”

“Whatever bruh. Tell that to the next fool.”

“What that mean? Man, I’m for real.”

“Tell it to Marco, maybe he will believe you.” Carlos defends himself. “But I know better. I told you from the start to slow down because you was gonna fall in love and then get caught up in your game. Playas can’t hang around one girl as much as you did Shona and expect not to fall in love. And your soft ass can’t handle it like me.” Carlos shows Kareem his three-year-old wedding ring. “And Tomeka still ain’t caught me.”

There’s silence. Kareem thinks about all the nights Carlos came home late with Tomeka sleeplessly in bed wondering where her husband was. Tomeka either had to be in love with him or also messing around. There was no way Kareem would commit adultery. If he loved someone enough to marry her, then he’d be ready to be with one woman.

Kareem loved Shona more than any other woman. The vibes between them was definitely something sent from heaven. Kareem could picture him and Shona standing at the altar. She deserved his last name. She deserved everything he had to offer her. Everything except the heartache and pain he’d been giving her. But this he was willing to change.

“Dawg?” Carlos snaps Kareem out his daydream, “Why you getting soft on a brother?”

Kareem, through love, was feeling soft as a feather. He shook his head at the crazy thoughts in his mind. “Man.” Kareem starts to open up to Carlos. Unlike Marco, Carlos knew love. For he, in a strange heart breaking way, loved Tomeka. Carlos understood and listened deeper into Kareem’s feelings. “I think I’m in love.”

“I just told you that.”

“No. I’m really in love.” Kareem leans back against the brick building, staring off into space. “I think she’s the one.”

Listening to the familiar words he once spoke about Tomeka, Carlos shakes his head as if to say that Kareem had no idea what being in love could do to a guy…a playa.

“I think I want to marry her.”

Carlos’s mouth drops. He couldn’t believe his ears. A guy who once said he would never throw in his playa towel to get married, was speaking the opposite. “Marry?” He questions to make sure he understood correctly, “Playa, dawg…no!”

Kareem gives no expression.

“Are you sure? I mean I regret I ever made Tomeka marry me. That’s aggravation, headaches and them bad ass kids. And believe me, because I have three of them.”

Still staring off in space, Kareem ignores the words of Carlos. He knew how he felt and he didn’t care what his boys had to say about it.

“I’m ready to be Shona’s one and only. I’m ready to give her the real me. I mean dawg, this whole playa thing is over rated, don’t cha think?”

“Speak for yourself.”

Kareem walks down the steps to stand beside Carlos. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you must be cold hearted to hurt the one you love over and over.” His voice rose a little. “Damn man. If I have to throw in my towel just to be with her, then call me soft.”

Surrendering, Carlos throws his hands up. “Damn!” He took a few steps back. Reaching out his hand to Kareem, he says, “I feel you, you the man on that one.” They shake hands, pulling each other into a hug. “You do your thing and go get your girl back. Just make sure that I’m the best man at the wedding.”

“You know you’re gonna have to fight Marco for that.”

“Marco? Marco ain’t no best man. He ain’t even no real man.” Carlos looks up to find Marco approaching them.

“What ya’ll up to?” Marco replies staring mainly at Kareem with a grin. He laughs a little, “Got a present for ya.”  He hands Kareem the box.

“Naw, man!” Kareem cries. “What you doing with this?”

“You tell me.”

Noticing the gift looked familiar, Carlos asks, “Isn’t that the present you gave Shona?”

Kareem nods, examining the gift. “She ain’t even opened it.” He looks at Marco. “How you get it?”

“She gave it to me when I went over there looking for your ass.” Marco tries to hide his laugh even though the humor of the situation was forcing him to give in. “Boy is she mad at you. What did you do? You got caught again, didn‘t you?”

“The fool ditched her for Marie’s ass.” Carlos stated. “Ditched on her birthday, now that’s straight out gangsta.”

“Playa, playa.”

Kareem didn’t respond.

The door opens and Jarred steps outside giving Marco an evil look. “So the punk finally decided to come back around?”

“Man, shut the fuck up.” Marco mumbles to himself.

“What you say?”

“Yo!” Kareem yells out to the two of them. “Not today. Just not today, okay?”

“You better be glad Kareem’s your boy.”

“What’s up with him?” Marco asked once Jarred had stepped back inside, “Don’t he know how to let stuff go. That was last week. I’m over it, why won’t he get over it.”